i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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