and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
