woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i came on her dog
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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