Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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