I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
