is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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