Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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