i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You smell like stripper and shame
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
