so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
