If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize