why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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