I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
