you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
