and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
