I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
