The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
