as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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