Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
