Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
