found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
