Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to calm my uterus...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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