life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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