4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
