I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
