my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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