Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
