I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
