Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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