im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We are all done wearing pants today
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
