nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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