I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
