Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize