Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
