oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
