Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
