Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
