The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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