I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i've created a new STD.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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