these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize