I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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