why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
