I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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