Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
