walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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