getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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