You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
