Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize