it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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