Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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