So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
