Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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