I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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