i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
