When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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