You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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