Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
