people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
