high people should be assigned attendants
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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