I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
operation harelip BJ is a go
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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