wrigley field is MILF paradise
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize