We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
