May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
